|And this is what Putin would wear.|
So, I haven't been very satisfied by the level of bad-assery surrounding 2012's election. Luckily, this guy at Face in the Blue came up with something pretty badass to occupy my time, called:
"In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Would Win and Why?"
It's basically a Hunger Games of presidents, which I'm saying both because it's true and because I'm hoping mentioning Hunger Games will up my page hits. The blog's author (still lobbying to call that "blauthor;" so far no takers) goes through all 44 presidents and suggests in a fairly general way their fighting strengths, weaknesses, and loosely predicts their probable order of death. Don't worry, I won't spoil the winner; go see for yourself. The arguments in the comments will give you hope because so many people are so knowledgeable about past historical figures, and will bum you out because even smart people are assholes on the internet.
Tangetially, you may remember that years ago (years?!?), I wrote about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The Seth Grahame-Smith book was just coming out and I discussed the possible names lining up for a movie deal. Well, the movie came out without much fanfare, and now it's on DVD, and Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 35% certified "rotten," which is pretty bad. But, for the cross-over genre of reimagined historical events (think Inglourious Basterds) and campy historical gore (see, um, I don't know, Army of Darkness?!?!?), I rather enjoyed it. I agree with the criticism that it takes itself too seriously where it should be more ironic and tongue-in-cheek (a la, perhaps, I don't know... Army of Darkness), but I also agree with Salon's Andrew O'Hehir who lauded the director's ability to stage "hilarious, imaginative, almost free-form action sequences like nobody in the business."
It's also worth noting that Benjamin Walker, who beat out Adrian Brody and other big names for the role of Lincoln, came to the role with a unique bit of experience playing a historical president in a fictional context. That's right, Walker played the "emo rock star" version of Andrew Jackson, seventh President of the United States both on and off Broadway in the "comedic Wild West rock musical," Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. What!?! I cannot make this up, y'all. (The tagline is: "History Just Got All Sexypants,' and no this is not a joke.) I suppose it's always a positive to have an actor versed in the genre, especially when the genre is gory, ridiculous, fictionalized versions of actual, nostalgic, historical American Presidents. I can't, personally, can't wait for Taft: King of the Werewolves.