See You Next Tuesday (The Sheening)

See You Next Tuesday is the Boomstick's regular column. On Tuesdays, I bring you the week's most laughable scumbags, idiots, and jerks for your reading and reviling pleasure.   If you don't get the name, visit your nearest middle school playground and ask the first kid you see.  You can read previous editions here. 

I said last week that I was going to avoid posting about Charlie Sheen, but the temptation has just been too great.  However, the strength of my temptation is met with the breadth of material, so instead of editorializing, I've decided to provide you:

THE SHEENING: The Ultimate Internet Guide to the Best of Charlie Sheen

 First, get acquainted with the substance of Sheen's rants:

• Vulture: The Charlie Sheen Glossary
• Live the Sheen Dream: Click the Head 

Then, try making some of your own: 

• Vanity Fair: Stark Raving Mad Libs

Play some games of the "Who Said It?" variety:

• (High Brow) New York Magazine: Sheen, Beck or Qaddafi?
• (Low Brow) College Humor: Charlie Sheen vs. Ron Burgundy

Find some Sheen to hang in your office:

• (High Brow) The New Yorker: Sheen Cartoons
• (Low Brow) Ram Blog: Charlie Sheen Motivational Posters
• (DIY) Buzzfeed: The Best Charlie Sheen Fan Art  

Videos and More: 

• Spearhead Entertainment: Charlie Sheen Sound Board
• Best Week Ever: The Ultimate Charlie Sheen GIF Wall
• Jimmy Fallon: Winning: Cologne for Men
• YouTube: "Winning: I'm Charlie Sheen" rap
• SNL: Duh! Winning! Cold Open:

And if you still want more, check out The Frisky's compendium of even more Sheen spoofs.  In conclusion, I'm not Thomas Jefferson.  He was a pussy.  See You Next Tuesday!