See You Next Tuesday is the Boomstick's regular weekly column. Each Tuesday, I bring you the week's most laughable scumbags, idiots, and jerks for your reading and reviling pleasure. You can read previous editions here.
I've missed a few Tuesdays, so to make up for it, today is CYOSYNT: Choose Your Own See You Next Tuesday. I have three honorable candidates collected over the last few weeks. Weigh in in the comments and tell me which of the following should officially be today's See You Next Tuesday.
1. Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen was recently hospitalized after partying with prostitutes, adult film stars, and a suitcase full of coke. Nothing new about that. What's See You Next Tuesday worthy was his public excuse: he had to go to the hospital because he got a hernia from...laughing too hard. At least we know he wasn't watching "Two and a Half Men."
2. Puppy Package
A Minnesota woman who tried to ship a puppy to Georgia in a box with no air holes had a hearing yesterday. The Jugde told the "befuddled" Defendant that no, she could not have her puppy back. The woman had told the post office she was shipping a "toy robot, and told the judge she was "only human." I assume she just forgot to add the "in" before "human" in the same way she forgot you can't ship a live animal in a closed box. Her best See You Next Tuesday line, though, came at the end of trial, when she asked the judge, "Can I get my box?" No, no you may not.
3. U Da Bomb
blown up by a text message. Instead of blowing up in Russia's Red Square on New Years Eve and potentially killing hundreds, she blew up part of a building, injuring no one, and becoming the single smartest anti-terrorist smart bomb ever. The real hero? The text was from her mobile service provider, wishing her (and all of their customers) a happy new year. If only she'd had AT&T, she wouldn't have had service...